i wish i'd never grown up

oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, just stay this little. oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple. no one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred. and even though you want to, just try to never grow up.  

--taylor swift, never grow up.

tomorrow, i turn 16.

i opened my presents today, and people are already starting to post on my facebook wall, wishing me a happy birthday.

and i'm starting to realize just how old i am. 

don't get me wrong; i love a day dedicated to me.

i love getting presents

and having people tell me to have a happy birthday.

but...

a year from now, my best friend will be in college.

in two years, i'll be deciding on a college myself.

and 3 years in the future--if everything turns out as planned--i'll be doing my homework in a dorm room.

[ohmigoodness. i'm halfway to 32.]

i want to be little again.

back when sleeping with your blankie wasn't childish,

you fought with your friends and made up 3 minutes later,

everyone's favorite color was pink,

the word terrorist had no meaning,

when boys had cooties,

and your mom was the prettiest person in the world.

take pictures in your mind of your childhood room, memorize what it sounded like what your dad gets home, remember the footsteps, remember the words said, and all your little brother's favorite songs.
i just realized

everything i have

is someday gonna be gone.

--ts.

[i'm scared]

what really matters.

“when you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. you begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. you see only the essence of the person, not the shell. that’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. you can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. you can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. and that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.”
--lisa unger, beautiful lies

i used to hate life.

i ate my feelings.

i cried myself to sleep nearly every night.

i plastered a fake smile on my face every morning. 

and i prayed that i'd find someone who could see through my happy facade.

today, i have not one, but two beautiful people in my life that make every day worth it.

they're not perfect.

they make me mad.

they annoy the crap out of me.

they don't always understand.

but they're always there for me.

and that's what matters.

these two people have put meaning behind that old clichéd phrase, "beauty comes from within."

when you spend as much time with your friends as i do, their appearance doesn't even matter anymore.

my friends are beautiful.

every single one of them.

and i love them

with every fiber of my being. (:

sometimes you just need to vent

so i'm really sick of the whole facebook/twitter thing, because it's replacing that face-to-face communication that is necessary for living. i had a 30-second conversation with someone today, in which i simply asked him to confirm a rumor i'd been hearing. i seriously just asked if it was true. and less than an hour later, i've got people messaging me on facebook that i don't even talk to who are yelling at me for getting in someone else's business, angry texts from my "friends," and people on twitter saying nonfriendly things that are obviously about me (you know i can read that right? its at the top of my news feed.). i honestly don't feel like i did anything wrong, and if someone thinks i did then they should talk to ME about it, not have their friends yell at me all over the internet. i'm sincerely sorry if i upset anyone, but really, this shouldn't be that big of a deal. i didn't say anything mean, i didn't spread any rumors, i didn't make even close to a medium-sized deal about it. so why am i getting all these upsetting messages? its ridiculous--and sad--the way all this social-networking can blow things waaaaay out of proportion, and hurt people who don't even know what they did wrong.

my favorite freedom

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

on tuesday, i will take full advantage of this freedom. i am planning on participating in the prolife day of silent solidarity.

prolife day is a day where people from all over the world make a silent protest against abortion. it's one of my favorite days of the year because it is a day where i get to join thousands of other prolifers in standing up for what i believe in.

i've talked to many people about my stance on abortion, and a lot of them have different views than mine. i do everything i can to make my point heard without making people feel like i'm shoving my opinion down their throat. a few questions/arguments that i hear often are;

1. what if the mother can't take care of the child?

     pleasepleaseplease consider the idea of adoption. there are loads of people out there who would be completely willing to take the child into their home and give him/her a beautiful life.

2. what if a girl gets raped?

     the way i see it, whether she has that child or not, she will always have that memory of being raped. you can't get rid of the memory of being raped by aborting the child. if the girl has the child and puts it up for adoption, she won't have the added emotional stress that comes along with an abortion. and she will know that something good came out of her being raped; another beautiful person will experience the world.

3. if the fetus you save is gay, will you continue to protect its rights?

     yes. whether or not the fetus ends up being gay/lesbian/homosexual, i still believe he/she has the right to live.

i realize that everyone has their own unique situation and opinion on this topic. i'm not trying to offend or hurt anyone.

this is what i believe.

and i will respect your beliefs also.

if you have any questions for me, please ask. i would love to talk to you. if you want to participate in the prolife day of silence and have any questions, click here.

i'd also like to apologize for both myself and anyone else who has ever upset you or seemed forceful about being prolife. i'm personally trying very hard to continue standing up for what i believe in without being passionate to the point of pushing people away.

whoever built this is a genius

i just happened to be walking through a path in the woods that doesn’t seem to be traveled on often, and i saw this and immediately smiled. i think it’s amazing.

a tree must have fallen in one of the recent storms, which serves as the top of the “fort.” a bunch of branches were tied together and leaned up against it to make a tent-like structure.

i don’t remember the fence being wrapped around the inside when i first discovered it, but when i went back a few days ago to take this picture, it was obvious that someone had been there. there was a bunch of two-by-fours nailed together before (like the one laying on the ground, but smaller) that served as a door, but it was moved to add to the roof when this picture was taken.

i wish i had the skills to build something like this. it must have taken a lot of time, and quite a bit of imagination.

i wonder how long it will stay up before someone/something comes along and ruins it. and i wonder who all knows about it, and who built it. i’m loving the mystery in this place.

what's the difference?

Is there a difference between justice and fairness? They're like a pair of identical twins. Separately they seem almost exactly the same, but if you look closely at them right next to each other, you will recognize a few distinctions.

To me, fairness is getting what you deserve, whether it's good or not. An example would be how everyone deserves to be treated with respect. That's fair. But it's also fair that if someone is completely disrespectful to you, they don't really deserve to be treated with respect anymore. That's my definition of fairness.

My way of explaining justice in my own words, is that justice is a form of fairness. It's when a person does something wrong and is given a fair punishment for it. Now there's a difference between justice and revenge. Revenge is often taken way to far. Justice is when a judge hears all the testimony of all the parties involved and makes a fair ruling based on that information and his or her knowledge of the law, then provides a fair punishment for the person who did something wrong. That's justice to me.

Case dismissed.

Google Docs for iPod.

I'm a multitasker. So I'm at one of my friends houses trying to do my homework, and I downloaded the google docs application, but as you can see, I can't edit my documents from the iPod.

I mean, it's google and apple. Shouldn't they have worked something out already so everything is accessible? In this age of technology, I can do anything on a regular sized computer desktop, and I fully expect to be able to do the same on a two by three once touch screen. Get it together apple/google.

I also can't blog directly from from my iPod, so I went through all the hassle of setting up an email for my blog, so I can type up an email on my iPod and send it to my blog email.

I guess I'll be done ranting now. Hahah. And I'll go home and do my homework on my computer like a good girl. 

a random poem i wrote

The hardest decision in life
is choosing which bridges to cross
and which to burn

Long ago, a bridge was built,
and I decided I would cross it.
It was long and narrow,
broken and rotting,
but I did not notice
until I had already set food
upon it.

Although I couldn’t see the other side,
I knew what was there,
and I knew it was what I wanted.

So across the bridge
I had decided,
for the other option
was to burn it.

A struggle, it was,
crossing this bridge,
and leaving others behind.
But as my heart had told me to,
I continued,

until I reached the halfway point.
It was here that I discovered
the bridge I swore was mine to cross
I had once shared with another.

It was this other who,
with my own match,
had burnt the bridge,
but only to the point
on which I was standing.

I cannot simply turn around
for fear the bridge has weakened 
and will crumble
under my weary feet.

I cannot continue
moving forward,
for I have nothing
to move forward on.

To burn the bridge
would be a worse fate,
for I, with no escape,
would burn
along with my beloved bridge.

I cannot cross.
I cannot burn.

So here I sit,
in the middle of
a crumbling bridge.

the most exhausting and hilarious hour of my life

i have a small part in our high school's fall musical, guys & dolls. at practice last week, we spent an entire hour going over the first three minutes or so of the musical. the director, mrs. grimius, gave each cast member a role to play (ex. shady character, salesman, couple from texas), and we were to walk/run/sneak around the stage portraying that character, in order to make the scene seem more like a busy city street than a dark, vacant alley. seems easy, doesn't it? it wasn't. see, the catch was that there would be no talking or noise-making other than the occasional shuffling of feet.

portraying a tourist in a small tour group would have been simple if we could have talked to make our character more convincing. but silence made it so much harder, and at the same time, a lot more fun. we ran back and forth along the stage, snapping photos with our make-believe cameras, jumping up and down in order to see whatever the tour guide happened to be pointing at, being pick-pocketed by the "shady characters", interrupting a very intense poker game in the middle of the street, and getting lost among "the people of new york city."

i went home that evening with sweat and a smile on my face.